Hi! I’m not George Lucas. I’m not the director of movies such as American Graffiti, THX 1138, Quantitive Easing For Children and the Star Wars Trilogy Special Editions. I’m not responsible for founding legendary effects house, Industrial Light and Magic, which has for the last forty years been a leading pioneer of cinematic special effects for countless blockbuster movies, and is responsible for developing the first ever digital character to achieve full sentience. Natalie Portman.app has gone on to receive multiple accolades for her starring roles in films such as the wildly successful Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. She has been praised as being, “Far more lifelike and a lot less lippy,” by the mother of the actress she was based upon, who had “tragically” fallen to her death in the very same industrial sized shredder used to destroy the original Star Wars masters.
Not George Lucas
Recently, my very good friend Loki was visiting me in my spacious refrigerator box down by the canal and said to me, “Damnit, Not George Lucas, every time I’ve relaunched Spindlegrin.com, some hacker has gone straight out and hijacked the site for some SEO type bullshit that I don’t fully understand. What am I to do?”
My answer was simple, “Wordpress is for suckers. Real men use static websites.”
“But Not George,” he replied, “what about the comments section?”
I shook my head, and laughed, “Silly Loki, who gives a fiddler’s shit about the opinions of anybody stupid enough to waste their time commenting on any of the crap you write?”
He still looked glum so I took a long thoughtful drag from my crack pipe and suggested that he should view this crisis as an opportunity, “You can go through all the old content now, correct the embarrassingly bad spellings, plug the plot holes, fix the numerous continuity errors but don’t you fucking dare edit in Han Solo stepping on Jabba The Hut. That’s my bit!” I explained as I brandished my favourite shiv at him.
“But Barry says the spelling mistakes give it character!” protested Loki.
“Fuck Barry!” I replied.
We both laughed and then I stole his kidney.
Not George Lucas