Spindlegrin 141

Spindlegrin 141

Loki and Genie sit forlornly in the wide expanse under
the Faulty Logic Fruit Tree. Loki is telling Genie
about the arrival of the men with the Cyanoacrylate,
and how he had to battle with many hideous creatures.
The creatures apparently looked a lot like jelly-fish
crossed with an octopus with quite a lot of
horse-shoe-crab, and here and there you could swear
there had been a fern thrown in for luck.

Genie is bored with Loki’s story and is trying to read
the writing on the Faulty Logic Fruit Tree.
Unfortunately, the writing has been encoded with 56bit
RC-4 and Genie does not have the key. This does not
apparently bother Genie, and he is using his fingers
to count and factorise primes.

All of a sudden, it became apparent that the Actuator
Eels were massing another attack. This time the Eels
appeared to be under the command of Handsome Tom and
his Weather Machine.
“Oh Poo! Here come the Eels again!”
shouted Loki, desperately trying to fart. The Genie
just looked forlornly at his wig.
“RUN!”

They found trip a pallet truck about 100 metres ahead
and Loki and the Genie leapt on it. To increase their
escape velocity they made fake surfing movements with
their hands. The chase lasted several seconds.
Although the mean velocity of the pallet truck was
about 4761 metres per second.

When the pallet truck finally stopped, Loki and the
Genie found themselves in the land of the Venetian
Blinds. When they were found after several hours they
were arrested and tried. They were found guilty of
being filthy verticals and escorted outside the
borders.

Loki has no idea where they are, and Genie is babbling
about becoming Horizontal so that the jail cells would
become comfortable. After humming, hawing and much
rigmarole, Loki deduces that they are under the AVIS
machines.
“Foolishness and Dogballs!”
exclaimed Genie,
“We must have traveled over 90 kilofrogs to get here.
Surely the cleanroom is not that big?”
“Believe me,”
gibbered Loki, thinking about events in the Land of
the Venetian blinds,
“the evil geniuses that designed the cleanroom have
figured out a method of fitting an infinitely large
structure into a piece of real estate, just outside
Blanchardstown.”
“How do they do that?”
“It’s a very complicated procedure that involves, 3.5
metres of rubber tubing (corrugated), a scalpel, a
lucky rabbits paw, a five mile wide tesla coil
(painted blue), a piece of paper upon which an
adolescent male has drawn a crude representation of
the male member, and 17 virgins, (for the party
afterwards).”
“Say no more.”
“Also, Blanchardstown is a powerful center of
disproportionate anti-reality. That is why 3Com and
Xerox have a plant there also. A similar reality
anomaly exists just outside Lucan. The area is so
strange that there is a reality-horizon, once you
cross it, you never come back. At least, not as sane
as you once were.”

Most bits(C)Loki 2000. Extra bits (C)BO’C 2000

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